Emotional Vacuum

Amazing how there's no need to articulate those silent thoughts in my head when I'm relaxed. Anger came in little medicine bottles in different doses these past weeks from a very close friend but I guess only time will tell if the contents are medicine or poison to our relationship. Exams are over, but I guess life has never ending troubles for anyone. If it's not work, it's school, otherwise it's about some kind of relationship problem. Never peaceful, never tranquil.

I guess I'm at crossroads again. Being a gemini just means I'll never be able to come to terms with who I will finally be and I'll never be able to make long term decisions. Well, the time has come again for me to take a step further in a new and different direction. Sometimes I think I flirt to much with chances but I guess it makes me feel relieved to know that I'm never going to stay stagnant and I'll never take any step backwards. It's stressing but I've gone through worse so I'll just have to work and look harder.

I can't decide whether money or happiness is more important to me these days. Maybe I've already equated money with happiness but sometimes the equation just doesn't work out right. I'm worried about money these days, maybe because I think I've spent too much for the holidays. At this point of time, I think I'll just close my eyes. If I fall, I'll just fall back on wise words from those who have walked life's paths before me. 船到桥头自然直。

It's at these times when I don't know what or how to feel because there are too many small and minute events rushing to let me feel their presence. There's this lack of a significant event that creates this hollow space within me. This vacuum sucks the thousands of emotions in and suddenly I'm feeling short of breath and my mind gets cloudy from the mixture of emotions. As confusion engulfs me, my heart calls for me to run away.

It's time to say: I'm lost, again.